BEST RELATIONSHIPS

I don't play around. I am very loyal, and I've also been hurt so many times, by people I cared about. But I've also learned what I want.

"Friendzone". I think it's stupid. Complaining about being “friendzoned” is incredibly harmful to our relationships and can cripple our capacity for both healthy friendships and healthy relationships. I think best relationships truly grow from friendships. Think about how you are with your friends: You tell each other everything. (Are there things you keep secret from your partner?) You look forward to being together. (Are there times you dread spending time with your partner?) You freely give your time, energy and attention to your friends. (Do you do the same with your partner?)

We should be giving our relationship partners the same kind of support we give our friends. We rarely criticize our friends or put them down in public, and we often take our time to listen to them and understand their perspective, even if we think they’re wrong.

It would make sense, then, that the person for whom you already do all of these things would make the best relationship partner.

This isn’t to say you wouldn’t do these things with a romantic partner if you weren’t friends with him or her first, but you’re certainly more likely to do them when that friendship foundation is already there, when those levels of respect have already been established, before the passionate part comes into play.

In a relationship that formed from a friendship, you’ll treat each other like you would treat your best friend – because you will already have been best friends.

I also want a relationship that involves God. When your life revolves around God, everything else falls into place. Relying first on Him rather than your significant other makes their shortcomings feel less like a catastrophe and more like a way to learn to love them more. I want a man after God's heart. I want to love a guy who loves God. I want to love someone who will not only love me back and take care of me, but will also bring me closer to the One who loved you first and who loves you the most- God. I want someone who puts Him first in his life and who will show me that real love can wait, because everything will be beautiful in God's own time. A person who loves God will strive to be faithful, honest and good, because he knows that these things are necessary to sustain a happy and meaningful relationship. He will respect me, pursue me and treasure me. He won't control me, but gently walk beside me and lead me. I want someone who knows that God is the best foundation in our relationship.

And in the end, it is only the things that make you feel alive that have the power to kill you.

LIKE THE SUN

My heart has a tendency to find one more reasons to give him another chance. All the red lights in front of me and i only see blue. I only see him. I am still feeling onto our memories. They warm me up from the outside and break me from the inside. The thing about hearts is that they break and they forgive. I still can’t give sense to it. The thing about the sun is that it still comes up even when it keeps leaving million of times. It reminds me of myself. I still come up at his sky. I still want him...

I don’t know. That’s all I can say. I don’t know if I love him, but I know I have strong feelings for him. I don’t know if I want him, but I know that I don’t want to lose him.

I don’t know if he’s right for me, but I know I want to give him a chance.

Everyone tells me that I will know when it feels right, that if I’m scared it means I’m not ready. But what can I do when I’m already in so deep that I can’t find my way back up? 

What happens if I actually want to give us a chance, even if I’m not even completely sure of my feelings.

Does that make me a bad person? 

Is it bad that I’m jumping into the unknown without knowing if I’m ready beforehand?

Everyone says that love is magical, that you won’t have a doubt in your mind and that when it’s right, you’ll know.
But I don’t know anything. I’m scared that I’m just going to end up hurting not only myself but him as well. I’m scared that I don’t fully know what I’m getting myself into. I’m just scared and I don’t know what to do anymore.

WEDNESDAY SHAMBLES

If I could, I would burn the threads of his past so they could no longer be a noose.

REMEMBER

I hope we lasted
I hope we did...
But this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up,
listening to the sound of your heartbeat,
And tracing maps across your skin.
Remember me laughing at your jokes,
Even the stupid ones.
Remember me in hysterics,
For absolutely no reason,
And in tears because one time you made me so sad,
Neither of us thought I could recover.
Remember me brave,
That time you held my hand,
And I thought I was going to die.
Remember me scared,
And gentle,
And delicate,
And breakable.
Only for you though,
Only for you.

Remember me happy,
And all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention.
Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you,
And how insane it drove the both of us.
Remember all the firsts,
And how they were so delightful.
We went back for seconds,
And thirds,
And fourths.
Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to,
And the dreams you allowed yourself about the future.
If it’s any consolation,
I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes to it,
I don’t want you to remember the ending.
Remember the beginning.
Remember the first time you knew.

WHAT-IFS, COULD-HAVES, WOULD-HAVES

You could plant some joy across my face, and some love in my heart. You could feel the scars underneath my skin with your lips, with your hands in my hair. You could slip your hands into mine and we could sway to the gentle wind of the night. We could carry an endless love together, but we would not. So here I am, in the middle of the night, swaying alone with a list of what-ifs, could-haves, and would-haves.

LOVE

How much we hurt is such a great indicator of how much we're capable of loving. And that is profound, because some people spend their whole lives never truly loving. So, instead of using heartbreak to close our hearts, let's see it as a testament of our strength, our power, our capacity to love. Let's use our emotions to propel us. To make us better. To change how we show up. To leave nothing unloved, including ourselves.