HANNA

Hello. My name is Hanna and I’m of a Spanish-Filipino descent. I have a rare disorder called, Selective Mutism. Google it. Not much people know about it. I am a shy person.I don’t know why I’m shy. I always tell myself to just get over it, but it’s something I will probably struggle with for the rest of my life. I’ve learned to accept this as part of my personality, but sometimes it just makes my life difficult. I have a naturally quiet voice, so when I do speak, people talk right over me. Sometimes it’s easier for me not to say anything at all.
I get all sweaty or shivery every time I have to speak in public. And I plan out what I'm going to say in every situation in order to force myself to talk,but I end up not saying anything or messing up what I planned to say.

ADVANTAGES

The way I’ve been talking about shyness, it seems like a disease, but there are plenty of advantages to being shy:
* I can come across as quiet and mysterious,which is sexy. Besides,guys don’t like girls who talk too much. It’s like Ursula sings in “The Little Mermaid,”
*Men don’t like a lot of blabber. They think a girl who gossips is a bore.”

MISCONCEPTIONS

Everybody makes judgments about me based on my shyness, and usually they are wrong. I can’t tell you how many times somebody has told me, ”You are so cool, but I used to think you were weird.”

Here are some common misconceptions that every shy girl knows are complete bogus:

* You’re quiet because you’re a snob or a bitch.
This is one of the most common misconceptions. It’s hard for extroverts to understand shyness. The loud girls would never understand that I didn’t talk because I was so shy, that sometimes it made me sick to my stomach to talk to others. They would assume that I didn’t talk because I thought I was too good for them.

* You don’t talk because you have nothing interesting to say.
I feel like there is so much in my brain I just want to say. Maybe one day, I’ll just explode and say everything I’m thinking. I can’t really explain it,but I feel like there is this physical barrier between my brain and my mouth. I am constantly in a battle with myself. By the time I win, the moment has passed and whatever I was going to say is no longer relevant.

* Shy girls aren’t funny.
People think I have no sense of humor. Because I’m so quiet, it’s hard for others to get a handle on my personality. If others would make a joke, they would make it clear to me that they were kidding, so I wouldn’t get offended, but they didn’t realize I never took offense. When I made sarcastic comments(which was often), nobody realized I was joking and they didn’t know how to react.

As the Beatles song goes,”It’s getting better all the time (it can’t get no worse).” Although I will never stop being shy, it’s becoming less of a problem…but it fluctuates. There are times when my shyness is especially bad. When I’m depressed I tend to retreat into my room and stop talking to people–that’s the ”It can’t get no worse part,” but for the most part, “It’s getting better all the time.”

I will never completely overcome my shyness and I’m OK with that.